Survival of the Relational: Why Strong Relationships Are the Key to Thriving in Life

When we hear the phrase "survival of the fittest," it often evokes images of individuals outcompeting one another to secure their place in the world. Yet, in the human experience, survival is rarely about going it alone. Instead, our ability to thrive hinges on connection, trust, and mutual support. This concept, often referred to as “survival of the relational,” emphasizes that strong, healthy relationships are not just desirable—they’re essential for long-term success and well-being.

In my work as both a financial planner and marriage therapist, I’ve seen time and again how the strength of our relationships directly impacts our ability to navigate life’s challenges. From the chaos of walking through a sudden health crisis to the complexity of making ambiguous financial decisions—like whether to prioritize paying down debt or saving for a home—our connections shape how we respond and adapt. These moments of uncertainty often don't have one clear answer, and they reveal how deeply intertwined our emotional and relational health is with our financial and practical lives.

Let’s explore why relationships are so vital to thriving, how they act as our anchors in times of uncertainty, and how the team at Healthy Love and Money draws on relationship science to help couples and individuals strengthen their relational and financial lives.

The Science of Connection: Why Relationships Matter

Humans are wired for connection. Our brains are profoundly social, designed to thrive in environments where trust, empathy, and collaboration are nurtured. When we engage in healthy, supportive relationships, our bodies release oxytocin—the "bonding hormone"—which fosters feelings of safety, reduces stress, and promotes emotional regulation.

Conversely, chronic loneliness and relational disconnection can lead to heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and even physical health challenges. The ripple effect of relational health (or lack thereof) extends to every facet of our lives, from decision-making and problem-solving to overall life satisfaction.

At Healthy Love and Money, we see the impact of relational connection daily. Couples who enter financial conversations feeling emotionally aligned are more likely to navigate challenges collaboratively, whereas those carrying relational wounds often find financial decisions fraught with tension. Whether it’s deciding how to split household expenses or balancing the emotional weight of supporting a struggling family member, the strength of the relational bond is the foundation for finding clarity amid uncertainty.

Financial Health and Relational Health: A Dynamic Interplay

One area where the principle of survival of the relational is particularly evident is in the intersection of financial and relational health. Money touches every aspect of our lives—it’s not just a tool for security but also a reflection of our values, goals, and emotional experiences.

Couples, for example, often face ambiguous financial crossroads. Should they invest in their children’s education or prioritize their own retirement savings? Should they take on a risky but promising business opportunity, or play it safe? These decisions aren’t just about numbers; they’re deeply emotional and relational.

A couple I worked with once faced a dilemma of whether to sell their beloved family home to free up cash flow. On the surface, it seemed like a straightforward financial calculation. But beneath it lay layers of emotional complexity tied to identity, stability, and legacy. By addressing both the financial and emotional aspects of the decision, they were able to move forward together, aligned and confident.

This interplay of money and relationships is where Healthy Love and Money thrives. We use tools and insights from the relationship sciences to help couples uncover the hidden dynamics shaping their financial behaviors. Through this process, couples learn to communicate more effectively, build trust, and approach financial ambiguity with a sense of partnership rather than division. 

Building Relational Resilience: A Path to Thriving

In a world where individualism often takes center stage, it’s easy to underestimate the importance of relational resilience—the ability to maintain and strengthen relationships through life’s challenges. Relational resilience is the key to navigating crises, resolving conflicts, and making complex decisions with a sense of clarity and unity.

Here are three core practices that foster relational strength:

1. Cultivate Vulnerability and Trust

True connection requires vulnerability—the willingness to share fears, doubts, and hopes openly. This is particularly important in moments of crisis or financial uncertainty. For example, admitting to a partner that you’re feeling overwhelmed by debt or uncertain about a financial decision can feel risky, but it’s a critical step in building trust and creating a sense of shared purpose.

2. Engage in Collaborative Decision-Making

Relational survival thrives on the principle of collaboration. Whether you’re deciding on a financial investment, planning for a major life transition, or simply determining how to spend your weekend, approaching decisions as a team fosters mutual respect and understanding. Couples who engage in collaborative financial planning often find that even difficult choices feel more manageable when approached together.

3. Create Connection Rituals

In the busyness of life, it’s easy for relational connection to take a backseat. That’s why establishing connection rituals—such as regular check-ins, shared meals, or dedicated time to discuss finances—helps nurture the relational bond. These rituals build a reservoir of positive experiences, strengthening the relationship during times of stress or conflict.

Relational Strength in Times of Crisis

Crisis has a way of revealing both the strengths and vulnerabilities in our relationships. Whether it’s navigating a sudden financial downturn, dealing with the stress of caregiving, or working through relational misunderstandings, strong connections provide the foundation for resilience.

One family I worked with faced the dual challenges of a major health crisis and the financial strain of lost income. By prioritizing open communication and mutual support, they were able to create a clear plan for managing both their emotional and financial needs. Their experience highlighted a critical truth: in moments of uncertainty, relational strength can be a lifeline, grounding us in hope and possibility.

The Role of Healthy Love and Money

At Healthy Love and Money, we understand that love and money are inseparable from the relational dynamics that shape our lives. Our team thinks deeply about how couples and individuals can strengthen their relational health while navigating the complexities of financial decision-making. Drawing on relationship science, emotional intelligence, and financial planning expertise, we offer a holistic approach to fostering connection, clarity, and resilience.

Whether you’re facing a financial crossroads, seeking to strengthen your relationship, or simply wanting to grow in your understanding of love and money, we’re here to walk alongside you on the journey.

Strengthen Your Relational and Financial Health Today

Your relationships are the cornerstone of your well-being and success. If you’re ready to explore how strengthening your relational health can transform your financial life, we invite you to connect with Healthy Love and Money. Visit Healthy Love and Money to learn more about our services, access valuable resources, and take the first step toward building a thriving life, together.

Wishing You Healthy Love and Money,

Ed Coambs

MBA, MA, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, LMFT