How to Resolve Money Fights By Understanding Your Money Stories
Dec 01, 2020
When money fights occur between partners, it can cause real pain and damage to relationships.
These fights lead to anger, frustration, and disappointment in yourself or the person you are fighting with.
Emotions can run high and things can be said that are hurtful.
It is important to learn to understand the stories and emotions you each have around money, then create a shared plan to move forward.
You ideally want to be able to move to a place where you have goals and dreams that are comfortable to you both and lead to a place of financial wellbeing.
How Money Stories and Money Fights Are Related
In my previous posts, we have covered the family-of-origin and how they influence your money stories.
We've discussed how these stories contribute to money fights and how these fights do not have to be normal inside your marriage or relationships (even if culture may have us believing otherwise).
We also touched on how everyone can use the Family Money Tree to identify their money stories, whether you are single or in a relationship. Plus we've discussed the benefits of doing so.
In this post, I would like to talk more about money fights.
How Can the Money Tree Stop Money Fights?
As partners, you want to support the other person.
You love them and respect them, and you do not want to see them in pain or suffering.
While you are quick to defend them to others, when it is a money fight you find yourself on opposite sides.
When you believe your thoughts related to money are right, and theirs are wrong, you will invalidate their ideas while believing yours are correct. Invalidation is essentially saying that the other person's feelings are not valid.
You believe the way of handling money is right, while theirs is wrong.
To learn to work together and create shared beliefs, you need to understand each other and where these stories come from.
The way to do that is to complete The Family Money Tree course. A tool used to work out why you each believe as you do.
What Happens When You Complete The Family Money Tree
When you complete The Family Money Tree you come to a mutual understanding of where your money stories and money beliefs come from.
When you reach that place of understanding, there will still be difficult conversations and the occasional money fight.
Yet the ‘whys’ (what’s driving your emotions or beliefs around money) are clear to both you and your partner. Not only your own beliefs and emotions but those of your partner as well, which is financial empathy.
This will allow you to be able to discuss your differences more comfortably and respectfully.
This leads to a stronger relationship and finding empathy for your partner and their views.
Together, you can then work to develop shared beliefs, goals, and dreams that you both can be comfortable with.
Finding this common ground will put you on a path to reach healthier financial wellness. You'll be able to establish a shared vision that is comfortable and attainable for you with a future you can both look forward to.
The Resources Available to You and Your Partner
The good news is you are not in this alone.
There are steps to take on your own, like The Money Tree course or the Healthy Love and Money Masterclass that help you understand your family-of-origin and how it impacts your current money beliefs and behaviors.
These courses will help you both begin to understand each other’s deep-rooted money beliefs.
They will open you to new conversations that will lead to financial empathy which will move you towards shared money values.
This may not be enough to stop the fights and get you on that shared path, but it’s still a good place to begin.
From there, financial therapists, counselors, financial planners, and many other options are available for additional help.
These professionals are there to guide you on your journey to a place of financial wellbeing and the bright future you are looking for.
I invite you to take these first steps towards a brighter financial future.
Would you like more 1 on 1 support? Then perhaps Therapy Informed Financial Planning is for the two of you. I invite you to schedule your free 30-minute discovery call today.
Wishing You Healthy Love and Money,
Ed Coambs
MBA, MA, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, LMFT
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