From Holiday Debt to Harmony: A Financial Reset Plan for Couples

The twinkling lights have dimmed, the gift wrap is discarded, and the holiday cheer has faded. But for many couples, the weight of holiday spending lingers like an unwelcome guest. If you’re feeling the pinch of holiday debt—and maybe even a strain on your relationship—you’re not alone.

The good news? A financial reset can do more than just repair your wallet. It can strengthen your bond and set the stage for a more intentional financial and relational future. Let’s walk through how to move from financial discord to harmony together. 

Who knows, you might discover your spending was as out of control as it felt.

Reflect Together: How Did We Get Here?

Before diving into repayment strategies, it’s important to pause and reflect. Understanding the “why” behind your spending choices can be just as valuable as tackling the debt itself. Money has a way of revealing what we value—and what we avoid discussing.

Set aside some time with your partner to talk about how you approached holiday spending this year. Were there moments when you felt pressure to overspend? Did you buy gifts out of obligation, guilt, or love? Maybe you wanted to create “the perfect holiday,” even if it stretched your finances too far.

Here are some prompts to guide your conversation:

• What were our financial intentions for the holidays?
• Where did we stay on track, and where did we veer off course?
• How did we each feel about our spending choices?
• How did patterns from our childhoods show up in our decisions?

This isn’t about assigning blame. It’s about getting curious and compassionate. When you understand each other’s financial triggers and motivations, you can move forward as a team.

Assess the Damage: Taking Stock of the Financial Reality

Facing the numbers might feel daunting, but clarity is the first step toward regaining control. Often when we work with clients it’s not as bad as they think. Our imaginations can can run wild in both over and under estimating how much we have spent. Together, sit down and take stock of the financial picture. Pull out credit card statements, receipts, and any records of holiday expenses. Break these down into categories like gifts, travel, entertainment, and dining.

Once you’ve tallied the total holiday debt, consider how it fits into your overall financial landscape i.e. your total net worth. For many of our clients they maybe overspent on the holidays, but when they look at their total financial picture including their retirement accounts they realize this overspending is going to throw them wildly off track for their future even if that is how it feels. 

Practically how much of your monthly income can realistically go toward repayment? This exercise can be humbling, but it’s essential. Think of it as turning on the lights in a room—you might not like what you see at first, but now you know what you’re working with.

Shift From Blame to Teamwork

Debt can feel isolating, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your partnership. Many of our clients even with increasing income and assets do not feel financially secure. They have a lot of financial anxiety that leads them to "feel" like things are tighter than they would expect. When finances are tight in real or imagined ways, it’s easy to slip into a cycle of blame. "Why did you buy that? Why didn’t you stick to the budget?" But these kinds of conversations erode trust and connection.

Instead, focus on collaboration. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, like, “I felt stressed when I saw our credit card bill and would love to work on a plan together.” Celebrate small wins along the way, even if it’s just agreeing to tackle the problem as a team.

Remember, you’re not just solving a financial issue; you’re building a foundation of mutual support and understanding.

Create a Financial Reset Plan

Now that you’ve reflected on the past and assessed the damage, it’s time to take action. A solid financial reset plan will help you regain control while reducing stress.

1. Set a repayment goal: Decide how quickly you want to pay off the debt. This might depend on the interest rates and your current cash flow.
2. Revise your budget: Look for areas where you can temporarily cut back. Can you pause a subscription, eat out less often, or skip a few discretionary purchases? The choice is yours together.
3. Automate payments: Setting up automatic payments ensures consistency and keeps you on track.
4. Build a small emergency fund: Even $500 can help you avoid further debt if unexpected expenses arise.

Treat this plan as a roadmap, not a set of rigid rules. Life happens, and flexibility is key. The most important part is that you’re working toward a shared goal.

Reimagine Your Financial Future as a Couple

Once you’ve started making progress on your reset plan, it’s time to look ahead. Use this as an opportunity to dream big together. What financial goals excite you both? Maybe it’s saving for a home, planning a memorable vacation, or ensuring a comfortable retirement.

For next year’s holidays, consider creating a “Holiday Spending Plan.” Decide together how much you want to spend, and start setting money aside in advance. That way, you can enjoy the season without the financial hangover.

Heck, you can even take your total holiday spend this year, divide it by 12 and set that as your savings goal for the year ahead. 

To make this even more fun, create a financial vision board. Grab some magazines, scissors, and glue, and spend an evening cutting out images that represent your shared goals. This playful activity can help turn abstract ideas into tangible dreams.

Addressing the Emotional Side of Money

Money isn’t just about numbers—it’s deeply tied to our emotions, sense of security, and love. Financial strain can stir up feelings of shame, guilt, or fear. These emotions can spill over into your relationship, creating tension or distance.

When it comes to holiday spending, it is playing on deep psychological experiences from our pasts about what it means to have a meaningful holiday. What happened and didn’t happen in your childhood is going to influence your decision making. The question is are you are aware of it and is it in alignment with where your family is now in life and finances. 

To heal, acknowledge those feelings from the past and current decisions rather than brushing them under the rug. Maybe you feel embarrassed about overspending or anxious about how the debt will impact your future. Share these vulnerabilities with each other.

Forgiveness is also key—both for yourself and your partner. Mistakes happen, and what matters most is how you move forward together. Reaffirm your commitment to being a team, not just in finances but in every area of life.

From Debt to Harmony

Holiday debt doesn’t have to define your relationship or your financial future. By reflecting on the past, assessing your current situation, and working together on a plan, you can turn this challenge into an opportunity for growth.

And sometimes, navigating financial and relational challenges requires outside help. At Healthy Love and Money we are dedicated to helping couples transform their relationships with money and each other. As an organization recognized internationally and recognized thought leader in financial therapy, our work has been featured by the Wall Street Journal, the Associated Press, Time, and CNBC. 

Using the latest in love and brain science, we guide couples from financial despair and frustration into financial intimacy and connection. Our approach draws on our teams deep educational backgrounds including business, therapy, and financial planning to help you understand what’s going on beneath the surface of your financial stress and move to impactful solutions

The financial reset you embark on today can lead to a deeper connection and a shared vision for the life you’re creating together. Start the conversation, create your plan, and watch how tackling debt as a team transforms your relationship—not just with money, but with each other.

Wishing You Healthy Love and Money,

Ed Coambs, MBA, MA, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, LMFT