How to Avoid Holiday Stress with Financial Self-Care

       We are just days away from the holidays, though this year may be different with the pandemic, the chaos and holiday stress will likely remain. The financial impact, family expectations, and social gatherings can all be overwhelming. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be as stressful as you may think. You will be glad to hear, I am not suggesting budgeting, although that can help. I am referring to practicing financial self-care. It is about becoming aware and understanding the emotions and expectations the holidays bring up for you and why. It includes having financial empathy for your partner and family. By using these tools to prepare beforehand, you can decrease the impact of those feelings and lessen your stress. In including financial self-care in your preparations, you are well on your way to more peace and joy, for the holidays and beyond.

Understanding Financial Self-Care

      Self-care comes in many forms, but financial self-care does not include spa days and yoga retreats. This kind of self-care is about being aware of your finances. This can include understanding how you use money in your life, and knowing what your situation and wallet will allow you to do, without causing you to overextend. It also includes financial empathy. Financial empathy means exploring what is important to you, your partner, and your family, so you can understand and acknowledge the cause of their feelings as it relates to money and show them compassion.

Begin with Financial Awareness

       Holidays can certainly cause financial distress, so it is important to develop a sense of financial awareness. First, you need to understand that previous adverse experiences drive your present behaviors and could lead to increased debt and despair if you do not plan appropriately. Those added holiday expenses – everything from celebratory meals, gifts, travel –  to name a few, puts added pressure on you, your family, and your wallet. Whether that is to “keep up with the Joneses” or your extended family, or meeting the wishes of your partner and kids, the pressure can be immense. Everyone knows how they would like the holidays to play out. But is that financially responsible or feasible? It may be that annual trip to visit family across the country, or to your favorite theme park, while important to all, may not be attainable this year. You need to be aware of what is desired as well as what you can afford, and then manage expectations from there. Talking it out in advance will avoid meltdowns and disappointment later when emotions are high, and their hopes have not been met.

Incorporate Financial Empathy

        Empathy can be defined as identifying or understanding another person’s thoughts, feelings, or emotional state. How exactly do you develop empathy, financial or otherwise? You ask open-ended questions. The answers help you to understand why the other person feels as they do, helping you to connect on a deeper level. When you understand the emotions behind something, you develop empathy. You may find any number of emotions might emerge from these conversations, from joy to hurt. Listen, try to understand, but don’t judge. Let them feel the emotions and share them with you in this safe environment. Let me give you an example.

        Sam and his wife Brittany take their two young boys,10 and 12, to see Brittany’s parents for the Christmas holiday every year. It is a tradition to go to the ski slopes for a day, and everyone is expected to participate in some form of snow sport. Sam doesn’t get it, Brittany has no interest in snow or skiing and yet it is a non-negotiable for her. This year, financially, Sam feels the trip is out of reach so he suggests going to see his family instead. They live closer and the trip would be more manageable. Brittany becomes very upset that Sam would suggest not going. After a long talk, Sam learns that Brittany’s dad traveled extensively for work, but he never missed a Christmas where there was quality time as a family. Those are her fondest memories of her childhood. Once Sam knew this backstory, he was able to develop empathy for Brittany and better understand her motivations for committing to Christmas with her family.

Jump Start Your Financial Self-Care Plan

        We have covered the basics of a financial self-care plan. It starts with your awareness of your emotions and your financial situation and realizing your past experiences create your current expectations for both yourself and others. Use open-ended questions to understand others’ experiences and the way they influence their emotions. Hearing those stories and learning what matters to them creates empathy for them and brings you and them closer together.  

       To apply this self-care to the holidays, make a game plan. Look at your finances with your partner to decide what you can and cannot do. Have a family meeting to explain what is not doable this year but what may take its place. Together, decide what will make this holiday season special for all of you and still memorable even if different. Who knows, it may be one of the best holidays yet.

       The even-better news is financial self-care is not just for the holidays. It should be something you apply to your life going forward. You can use this financial self-care plan, for the holidays and into the new year to decrease those stressful financial discussions and increase your overall financial wellbeing.

      Would you like more 1 on 1 support? Then perhaps Therapy Informed Financial Planning is for the two of you. I invite you to schedule your free 30-minute discovery call today.

Wishing You Healthy Love and Money,

Ed Coambs

MBA, MA, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, LMFT

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